House or Home??

Today I was going to drive to some land that is for sale about 80km from where I live and look at its prospects for current horse agistment and possible future home site. However, I had a think about it and it’s really a waste of time at the moment as I don’t have the money on hand and I haven’t asked the bank if I am eligible for a loan. It was just an excuse to go away from here for a while and I was thinking it would make me happy to have a day out.

So I had a look at the list of “to-dos” on my fridge door and when I opened the vertical blinds I realised that I really wanted to use the closed in veranda, for something besides storage, and I need to do some cooking that I’ve been putting off for weeks. Then there are the weekly/fortnightly/monthly chores to do that are always “there”.

I realised that what would make me happy is to make this place truly my home as I’ve been a bit dispossessed the last couple of years and slept in my car in a park, stayed at youth hostels,  friends and relatives homes and in another rental that I really disliked.

I’ve started customising the garden but that’s not something that happens overnight, like customising a room can, and gardens change by themselves anyway – flowers bloom, trees lose leaves in Winter and grow new ones in Spring, grass needs cutting and weeds are always popping out of the ground. It takes a long time to truly make your mark on a garden/yard and it’s not like you eat/sleep/live in it.

Guess I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m going to be renting for a while, something I haven’t done in 30 years, and I may as well make where I live my home not just a house that protects me from the weather and keeps me secluded and separated from the world outside its walls. Time to start laying real building blocks for my new future instead of floating around in the clouds watching the world go by and hoping I find a silver lining. I discovered today that I am the one who has always made safe/comfortable places for myself, and the children when they were younger, not either of my partners as they were too busy doing their own thing and expecting us to fit in. That’s two of the mistakes I’ve made in my life and there’s probably countless others that have been forgotten along the way.

Now it’s time to properly pick myself up, I thought I had before but I was mistaken, dust myself off and make a place for me again – even if it is just a step on the way to where I’d really like to be I need to give it a solid base as ricketty steps are dangerous.

Cheers,

RobynLouise

To Socially...

Discover....

that I must be a bit of an oddball around here for my age, after attending a night out with an over 50's singles group, was a bit disconcerting. I mean, I know I’m a little weird but to know so much about social internet and be able to send bulk emails, moderate (I was asked what that is!) a forum and post frequently on blogger and Facebook, and now I’m using the Snapchat app thanks to my adult kids, set me apart from the rest of the group. To also grow vegetables, by preference, instead of flowers and ornamental trees made me a little more of an outcast. I’m glad I didn’t say anything about homemade soap and laundry liquid or start talking about sourdough starter and baking my own bread…..they may have thought I should be in a straight jacket or I’d escaped from somewhere!!

I declined the invitation to go to one of the local clubs after dinner as I’d had enough. They are nice people but they have narrow views and I’m afraid after being on the DTE forums for just short of 4 years and moderating for half that time I didn’t feel I needed to be exposed to their views and they certainly weren't interested in mine. As I’ve almost accidentally removed myself from the land of the living in the last 2 years I want to ENJOY life, and have new experiences and grow physically and mentally, not stagnate in the same spot in my life journey as some of the group members seemed to be doing.

If you don’t like your life YOU CHANGE IT! It’s not easy but no one else can do it for you.

I was catching up on blogs this morning and this struck a chord with me as I’ve done it before the self-caused hiccup in my life put it on partial hold for a couple of years. I continued to plant some veges, turned off lights/power points that weren’t being used and kept cooking from scratch whenever possible, while enjoying the free things life has available like the joy and company of exercising the dog, beautiful sunrises/sunsets, the glory of a flying flock of noisy galahs and the delicate way a butterfly goes about its business….just to mention a few.

Reading this helped me feel good again about my decisions and what is right for me. ….Thanks Phil.

At the moment the split peas are soaking for the pea and ham soup tonight, the sourdough starter was fed earlier and will be bubbling gently soon for the sourdough crumpets I want to make to have with the soup, I’ve brought in most of the laundry that was washed using homemade laundry liquid that contains homemade soap and as soon as I empty out a dead tree from a pot and toss some mixed greens seeds in there I’m going for a bike ride and letting the dog tag along.

Life is good if you know how you like to enjoy it :D.

Hope everyone had a truly enjoyable weekend.

Cheers,

RobynLouise xo

Reboot and Reshuffle

Hey everyone, I finally remembered to purchase the washing soda and made laundry liquid (wash) yesterday. This should last me a few months and for a cost of about a dollar as I used my home made laundry soap!

                        

Just after my last blog post I made home made cottage cheese using powdered milk and juice from the lemons off the tree here. I'll be trying this again and using the lime juice next time to see how it works out.

This blog link was posted in a DTE forum thread but I altered the recipe a bit as I used 4 cups of water to 1 cup of powdered milk. I also used ¼ cup of lemon juice as I wanted it spreadable.

The "curd" draining

The recipe makes about a cupful. 

Soooo yummy! 

Last of all, as I’m finally socialising here and going out to dinner with the local over 50’s singles group, I shuffled through my “glad rags” to see what would fit, and is suitably warm enough, for the suddenly cooler weather. This involved lots of trying on clothing yesterday morning when I had my RMO (Rostered Morning Off).

I was pleased to find that it was worth keeping those clothes I was determined to fit back into one day as I now can *big cheeky, cheesy grin*. I’ve saved myself a small fortune there and damn if they don’t look better on me now than they did when I bought them as I’m still curvy but in all the "right" places. Yep, I’m full of myself but I worked hard for this and I feel I deserve the rewards. If I can’t love and respect myself and all I’ve achieved then how can I expect anyone else to?

There’s another Discover moment.

I’m hopeless at selfies and the natural light is awful here today as it’s raining so I’ll try to finagle someone in the group into taking a photo of me on my mobile phone tonight and update here tomorrow :D.

Cheers,

RobynLouise xo

Postscript: Managed a not so bad selfie!

Cheers, RL xo

Discover cont'd...

Discover cont'd...

Well,  in two months I've discovered that:

* I can be in a social environment but still be alone and it doesn't bother me. I don't  need  people in that respect. I can be happy with my own company.

* I really don't care what people think of what I say and what I do, any more, though I do try to respect the fact that there's some things you can't say/do in certain company....just to keep the peace.

* I wear what I like and if it bothers someone else it's their problem.

* I like to be healthy and fit and it gives me a real buzz to feel so great. I will  NEVER  be overweight and unhealthy again as I love what I can do when I'm in the physical condition I'm in now. It's not a case of mutton trying to be lamb, either, it's not being on medication, not having to see quacks all the time and being able to do almost anything physical I want without having to consider if it's going to put me in hospital. It's looking good too as if I am healthy I seem to "glow". I can't think of another word that describes how I look and feel.

* I've also finally realised that I don't need another person in my life to make me feel complete. If I come across someone in my journey, and we hit it off, then so be it. I think I've spent a lot of time in my life feeling that I should have a partner, because of the environment in which I was raised, but most of my successes have been because of what I did to achieve them myself.

* I need to be confident of what I can do and not let myself down. I am my own worst enemy.

That's a lot to find out about oneself in a couple of months and I think I know myself better now than I ever did, 

I might become my own best friend in time :D!

Cheers,

RobynLouise xo

Country, Cucurbitaceae and a Mad Cat

I finally put the strings on the guitar last weekend and have started relearning my chords and decided to learn how to play Little Bitty, performed by Alan Jackson as I like it and it has easy chords. Lol, more about that in the future!

My Cucurbitaceae, or pumpkins, are growing really well and starting to form flower buds.

I'm already hoping for a bumper crop and thinking soup, scones, fruit cake, open face pies, roast pumpkin, pumpkin/roquette/lentil salad.....I'd best stop as I'm making myself hungry!

The dog, Flash, and I went for a walk Monday evening. We didn't anticipate having another attendee but our fool cat decided she was coming and wouldn't be chased home. Miss Mad Cat decided that we were walking too fast so yowled loudly and continuously every time she thought we were too far ahead of her. I called her and slowed up a little but she had to run to catch up with us each time as I knew if I stopped she would just collapse and want her head or belly rubbed *roll eyes*. I'm really hoping this doesn't become a habit as it means I can't go far or fast and walking is my means of exercise and helping to keep fit and control my weight. A busy main road crosses one end of our street and our street is also the main entryway to the village so I can't really leave her and hope she returns home of her own accord.

Cheers,

Robyn xo

Australia Day 2015 - Start to Discover

The idea of a word for a year has always amused me in the past but I find myself finally living on my own, with no one to please but myself, and I discovered that I'm living with a stranger.

I grow plants to eat, I have pets to care for, hobbies to interest me and online friends to exchange ideas with but that is what I do, not who I am. Who I am is a bit different. It does involve what I do but it also involves how I am and my behaviour and opinions and having an "inside" look at myself there's nothing that stands out to indicate to me that I'm living my life and making my life what I want it to be. I also feel like I have no purpose in life and am just existing as there's no person that needs my time or my care anymore and I feel a bit like I'm being blown about never arriving anywhere or acheiving anthing. I don't want to just "be" or "be something" to someone else - like a job description....I want to be me but I'm not sure who that is.

So for the first time I'm going to try a word for a year and that word is 

Discover

I think today is an appropriate day to begin my personal journey to discover myself .

Afterthought: This has been my "theme" song for about 12 months now and still is. We can all try to be a little better than we actually are and it shouldn't take something momentous for this to happen.

"Live Like You Were Dyin"

He said I was in my early 40's,
With a lot of life before me,
And a moment came that stopped me on a dime.
I spent most of the next days, lookin' at the x-rays,
Talkin' 'bout the options and talkin' 'bout sweet time.
Asked him when it sank in, that this might really be the real end.
How's it hit ya, when you get that kind of news.
Man what ya do.
And he says,

[Chorus]

I went sky divin',
I went rocky mountain climbin',
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull name Fumanchu.
And I loved deeper,
And I spoke sweeter,
And I gave forgiveness I've been denying,
And he said someday I hope you get the chance,
To live like you were dyin'.

He said I was finally the husband,
That most the time I wasn't.
And I became a friend a friend would like to have.
And all the sudden goin' fishing,
Wasn't such an imposition.
And I went three times that year I lost my dad.
Well I finally read the good book,
And I took a good long hard look at what I'd do
If I could do it all again.
And then.

[Chorus]

Like tomorrow was a gift and you've got eternity
To think about what you do with it,
What could you do with it, what can
I do with with it, what would I do with it.

[Chorus]
Sky divin',
I went rocky mountain climbin',
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull name Fumanchu.
And I loved deeper,
And I spoke sweeter,
And I watched an eagle as it was flyin'.
And he said someday I hope you get the chance,
To live like you were dyin'.

To live like you were dyin'.
To live like you were dyin'.
To live like you were dyin'.
To live like you were dyin'.

Performed by Tim McGraw

Writer(s): Tim Nichols, Craig Wiseman
Copyright: Bug Music, Big Loud Shirt, Warner-tamerlane Publishing Corp.

Cheers,

Robyn XO