Today I was going to
drive to some land that is for sale about 80km from where I live and look at its
prospects for current horse agistment and possible future home site. However, I
had a think about it and it’s really a waste of time at the moment as I don’t
have the money on hand and I haven’t asked the bank if I am eligible for a
loan. It was just an excuse to go away from here for a while and I was thinking
it would make me happy to have a day out.
So I had a look at
the list of “to-dos” on my fridge door and when I opened the vertical blinds I
realised that I really wanted to use the closed in veranda, for something
besides storage, and I need to do some cooking that I’ve been putting off for
weeks. Then there are the weekly/fortnightly/monthly chores to do that are
always “there”.
I realised that what
would make me happy is to make this place truly my home as I’ve been a bit dispossessed the
last couple of years and slept in my car in a park, stayed at youth hostels, friends and relatives homes and in another
rental that I really disliked.
I’ve started
customising the garden but that’s not something that happens overnight, like
customising a room can, and gardens change by themselves anyway – flowers bloom,
trees lose leaves in Winter and grow new ones in Spring, grass needs cutting
and weeds are always popping out of the ground. It takes a long time to truly
make your mark on a garden/yard and it’s not like you eat/sleep/live in it.
Guess I’ve come to
terms with the fact that I’m going to be renting for a while, something I haven’t
done in 30 years, and I may as well make where I live my home not just a house
that protects me from the weather and keeps me secluded and separated from the
world outside its walls. Time to start laying real building blocks for my new
future instead of floating around in the clouds watching the world go by and
hoping I find a silver lining. I discovered today that I am the
one who has always made safe/comfortable places for myself, and the children
when they were younger, not either of my partners as they were too busy doing
their own thing and expecting us to fit in. That’s two of the mistakes I’ve
made in my life and there’s probably countless others that have been forgotten
along the way.
Now it’s time to
properly pick myself up, I thought I had before but I was mistaken, dust myself
off and make a place for me again – even if it is just a step on the way to
where I’d really like to be I need to give it a solid base as ricketty steps
are dangerous.
Cheers,
RobynLouise
I much prefer renting to owning a chunk-o-land with a building or two on it. I am happy...no, thrilled...no, positively giddy to be free of maintaining any kind of property or structures. So, living here, at the top of the trees suits me just fine. The air is seriously better and because I have the entire top floor, I am guessing that I might be able to use all of that cross-ventilation instead of the window air conditioner, which I will install anyway to have ready for those nights when it is just too hot to sleep.
ReplyDeleteNow, all of that is house. Even in that other life I lived in a house, not a home. Frankly, I was barely permitted to live there, but I try to not think about those days any more.
Home is this place, although only when it is full of the boys. Home is wherever I am when I am with the people I love. I am thinking that it would be nice to never have to move from here and that it should feel like home to me. It actually did the second night I stayed here, but I think that was/is more related to being physically away from that other life and so near to my family.
I have spent the past couple of weeks working when I can to more personalize this place. I have made some nice things for it and think that I am ready to commit to hanging some of my art. You know, it has only been five months and I would not want to rush into anything. :)
It would be lovely and oh so self-loving to be able to garden, but you simply cannot have everything. Perhaps a big pot with a cherry tomato plant in it might help.
When Home is where your loved ones are that's wonderful :). A cherry tomato in a pot sounds perfect.
DeleteIt sounds like you've come a long way since sleeping in your car. New town, a house to live in and a job. Just looking at that cut up pumpkin made me think of home - a steaming bowl of homemade soup, maybe some hot scones or bread rolls to sop it up. That is home. It will all fall in to place. Now, go turn that enclosed verandah into a nice sun spot where you can sit and have a cuppa....
ReplyDeleteLol, as soon as I find somewhere to put what's in the boxes!
DeleteYes Robyn, a good idea to make the house your home. Perhaps one day you will get your farm :-)
ReplyDeleteNo perhaps, 5 acres would be fine...even if I have to live in a caravan or a shed :).
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ReplyDeleteWe have moved a fair bit and I had never made any house we lived in into a home. They never felt right. Until now. We haved lived here for a couple years and this house feels like home. I love it and the community we are in now.
ReplyDeleteHave fun making your house into a home.
I think it's the community that is making this feel like home. Last place I lived in was pretty much surrounded by ex's family and I always felt like they were silently "judging" me and some of them had no qualms about telling me their views on my lifestyle! Here I have unasked for support at work from people who are working for the company my company is contracting to and the locals in the village are happy to recommend tradesmen etc if asked and no one has yet put aspersions on anyone just because they could - though they'll tell you if you mention a name and the person is not a good at their trade or charges too much :P.
ReplyDeleteBravo! Sounds like courage in action to me.
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